call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
