I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
