A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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