PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
