clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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