I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
