Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
