I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
