3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
