so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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