Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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