how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
