she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
