i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is classic penis vs brain.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
