you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
