I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well you can't waste a boner
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
