Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
