Ambien. No doubt about it.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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