Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
