she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
