She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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