My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
