I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
