Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
