I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
PANTIES FOUND
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