omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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