You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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