we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
