i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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