Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
