I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
