So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
