What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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