remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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