That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
