My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
