omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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