You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
