It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
