There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
