"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I currently don't understand fingers.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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