Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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