I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
