I showed him my bush... on skype.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
