So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
