I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
