If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
