Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
