I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
