i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
