the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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