So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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