I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
