return my video game
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
