real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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