i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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