I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
whose ass print is on the piano?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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