party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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