At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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